By: DeNorris Rigby
(Bobby Gnocchi is seen embezzling funds from his charity, ‘F-Off Orphan Illiteracy’)
WASHINGTON - Just this week, we made contact with whistleblower, Little Timmy III to uncover the true dark side of candidate Bobby Pierogi Gnocchi. Tim-Tim was one of the orphans personally victimized by Gnocchi’s “charity” F-Off Orphan Illiteracy, which was founded earlier this year, around the start of Gnocchi’s campaign. Does this timing seem like a coincidence to you? Timothy didn’t think so either. Reeling with offense after hearing Gnocchi conflate dyslexia with illiteracy, he decided to dig deeper into Gnocchi’s paper trails. What he found was shocking. Under the name, SwagMoneyRussian, Gnocchi was found to have posted screenshots of immense wire transfers, showing off “his loot”
(MySpace post captioned, “You wish this was youuuuu $$$$$.”)
We also interviewed some volunteers to gain some perspective on the matter. One had this to say about Gnocchi, “Yeah, he showed up at the office one day, just completely bald. Like he looked like Kingpin-typa-bald. He was also driving a yellow, armored Humvee which isn’t cute. Anyway, from then on I knew that he was some kind of swindler.” Gnocchi’s sudden baldness can only mean one thing. Evil, nefarious behavior. The people around him can see it, and we can too. There will be no escaping the truth Mr. Gnocchi, just you wait.
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