Dear readers,
This week on the hottest, trendiest, juiciest gossip column here at FOCS News (no shade to Denorris) we are going to delve into Right-Wing Candidate Bobby Gnocchi’s space beliefs. If you are not aware, one of Mr. Gnocchi’s main political stances in this election is his belief that it is necessary to build positive relations with the Macrab Confederacy to stop the brainwashing of thetans.
Now I will admit, understanding this position required a Google search on my part where I discovered that the Macrab Confederacy is, according to the Church of Scientology, “one of the most powerful galactic civilizations still active.”
If you didn’t think this was odd enough, a recent deep dive into one of Gnocchi’s inactive Twitter accounts uncovered a post stating that this man does not believe in the MOON.
How can a man who wants to bring actual aliens, extraterrestrials, the little green things from Men In Black into our nation, not believe in the moon? Bobby, honey, what do you think the big, white circle in the sky is when the sun goes down?
My guess? All the gel in his hair is seeping into his brain making it hard for him to understand basic concepts. And don't get me wrong here I'm not denying the fact that aliens exist, but Marcabians? According to Scientologists, these aliens used to rule Earth but lost control of it due to losses in the war amongst other things. Maybe, and I’m just speculating here, Bob thinks the Marcabians stole the moon after the war. Despicable Me style.
When asked to make a statement about this, the candidate blew me off and provided no comment. Someone is clearly embarrassed.
XOXO,
Becky
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